When it comes to raising children, one idea has now become almost universally accepted: praising children for their ‘effort’ is better than praising them for being ‘smart.’
When a child achieves something, you should say, ‘Well done’ or ‘You must have worked really hard,’ rather than, ‘You’re so smart.’
Experiments have shown that praising ‘effort’ makes children more willing to take on difficult tasks in the future, because this kind of praise cultivates a ‘growth mindset.’ They come to see setbacks as opportunities to grow and therefore don’t shy away from challenges. Children who are frequently praised for being ‘smart,’ on the other hand, often develop a ‘fixed mindset.’ They are more likely to see future challenges as threats to their image of themselves as ‘smart,’ and so they reject challenges to avoid failing.
A recent study (see References) tested the effects of these two kinds of praise on adults for the first time, and the Research Digest website reported on it.
Besides moving the research from children to adults, the researchers had another, more important point to consider: ‘effort’ can actually mean two different things. One kind of praise says that someone worked hard on this particular task; the other says that, in general, they are a ‘hardworking person.’ The former praises one specific action in the current situation, while the latter praises a broad personality trait. Would these two kinds of ‘effort’ praise have different effects too?
The researchers recruited more than a hundred adult participants. They first gave them a few very simple test questions, and then, regardless of their actual scores, told them, ‘You did better than most people!’
The praise the participants heard next came in three versions.
The first group was told that their test scores showed they belonged to the ‘high-IQ group’—that is, they received ‘smart’ praise.
The second group was told that their test scores showed they were ‘hardworking people’—that is, they received hardworking-trait praise.
The third group was told that their test scores showed they had ‘worked very hard on the test just now’—that is, they received hardworking-action praise.
Next, all three groups continued with 12 difficult questions. Whatever their actual scores, after they finished they were all given the same feedback: ‘You did worse than most people!’
The results showed that although the three groups’ actual scores did not differ, the group that received hardworking-trait praise—in other words, the group told they were ‘hardworking people’—felt the worst while doing the difficult questions. Compared with the other two groups, they also rated their own performance more negatively.
Finally, the researchers asked them to reflect on what they should blame for their poor performance. The result was this:
The group that received smart praise was more likely to blame failure on the fact that ‘their IQ really wasn’t that good after all.’
By comparison, the group that received hardworking-action praise was indeed less likely to blame failure on their IQ.
—The performance of these two groups matched what children do in the same situation: people who receive smart praise place more importance on being smart, while people who receive effort praise place more importance on effort.
But the group that received hardworking-trait praise was also more likely to blame failure on the fact that ‘their IQ really wasn’t that good after all’—exactly like the group that received smart praise.
Why is that?
Because people realize that others only call them ‘diligent’ or ‘hardworking’ to protect their self-esteem when they can’t honestly say they’re smart or talented. (At least adults are capable of noticing this.)
So broad compliments like ‘You’re a hardworking person’ or ‘You work really hard’ sound to adults like praise with an insult hidden inside. The subtext is: ‘You’re not smart enough.’
It’s a lot like a girl giving a guy a ‘nice-guy card’: the subtext of ‘You’re a good person’ is really, ‘You’re not qualified to be my boyfriend.’
So, just as handing someone a ‘nice-guy card’ can actually hurt, handing out a ‘hardworking card’ can hurt their self-esteem too.
This study gives us the following takeaway:
When praising ‘effort,’ we should also pay attention to praising the effort in that particular action, rather than handing out ‘hardworking cards’ indiscriminately and vaguely complimenting someone as a hardworking person. The key to good praise is still those two words: be specific.
I’ve gotten this far and suddenly realized how to talk to the fans of young heartthrobs:
– Do you know how hard my idol works?
– Mm-hmm, I do. Your idol really works incredibly hard.
References:
Reavis, R. D., Miller, S. E., Grimes, J. A., & Fomukong, A. N. N. (2018). Effort as Person-Focused Praise:“Hard Worker” Has Negative Effects for Adults After a Failure. The Journal of genetic psychology, 1-6.
Note
- This article in the ‘Psychology Insights Mini-Course’ series was written to accompany related content in Zhichao Wei: Psychology Insights Course. It was a short popular-psychology essay published on the now-closed platform Fantuan; the original link no longer exists.
Leave a Reply